A Little Knowledge can be a Dangerous Thing
1st Base
More Cat Tales
We're Mad
? of the Day
M A D Comix
Cat's Rants & Raves
Insanity is Hereditary
A Little Knowledge
The Naked Truth
Gallow's Humor
The Get Away With Murder Club
Haves vs Have-Nots
Animal Tales
Wild Life
More Animal Tales
Food of Life
Old Folk Down Home
Down on "The Farm"
Out of Our Minds
Faerie Tales
Light in the Darkness
Godless Humor
By the Dark the Moon
Beyond the Veil
Falling Back
Winter Chills
An important distinction
many fail to recognize...

Questions and Observations

  • The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.
  • Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • A fool and his money are soon partying.
  • If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
  • Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
  • If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
  • Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
  • Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
  • Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
  • Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
  • Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
  • If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
  • Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
  • How can someone "draw a blank"?
  • Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

-- As posted by Boonie at MSN Group "Against the Wind"

Some Things You Probably Didn't Know

-- and probably don't want to!

  • Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
  • Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now.)
  • The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
  • No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
  • Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
  • You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
  • Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
  • The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
  • The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
  • A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
  • The wingspan of the B-36, a retired USAF bomber, was twice as long.
  • American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.
  • Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
  • Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
  • The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
  • Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
  • The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first 'Marlboro Man'.
  • Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
  • Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
  • Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
  • All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
  • Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
  • Pearls melt in vinegar.
  • Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
  • The three most valuable brand names on earth Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
  • It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
  • A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
  • The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
  • Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson Clinton.

And, the best for last...

  • Turtles can breathe through their butts.

Now, you know everything there is to know.

-- as posted by Karen to Against the Wind

More Things You Didn't Know
What's the Cuban national anthem? -- Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
-- A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
-- A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
-- They're hiring.

Why aren't there any Mexicans on Star Trek?
-- Because they're not going to work in the future either.

What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?
-- A pimp.

Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
-- Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the difference between a northern and a southern zoo?
-- A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80 year old lady to say the "F" word?
-- Get another sweet little 80 year old lady to yell "BINGO"!

What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
-- A northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..." A southern fairy tail begins, "Ya'll ain't gonna believe this sh#t..."

Times have changed. Years ago -- when 100 white men chased 1 black man, they called it the Ku Klux Klan; Today they call it the PGA Tour.


Page Contents:
  • Questions and Observations
  • An Important Distinction
  • Hindsight is 20/20
  • Some Things You Probably Didn't Know
  • Illustrated Catalog of ACME Products
  • Words of Wisdom
  • More Things You Didn't Know

Hindsight is 20/20

"Well informed people know it is impossible to transmit the voice over wires and that were it possible to do so, the thing would be of no practical value." -- Editorial n the Boston Post, 1865

"I think I may say without contradiction that when the Paris Exhibition closes, electric light will close with it, and no more will be heard of it." -- Erasmus Wilson, Professor at Oxford University, 1878

"There will never be a mass market for motor cars - about 1,000 in Europe - because that is the limit on the number of chauffeurs available!" -- Spokesman for Daimler Benz

"The average American family hasn't time for television." -- The New York Times, 1939

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." -- Thomas Watson, Chairman, IBM, 1949

"Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances." -- Dr. Lee De Forest (inventor of the vacuum tube), 1957

"The world potential market for copying machines is 5000 at most." -- IBM to the founders of Xerox, 1959

-- From an advertisement as posted in Rondout

Illustrated Catalog of ACME Products

After a careful study of Warner Brothers cartoons, GP Markham has reproduced the catalog that eternally optimistic Wile E. Coyote kept ordering from.

Words of Wisdom

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride. As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. The old man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk. The two decided that maybe they both should walk.

Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right so, they decided that they both should ride.

They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal. The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.

From Moonlit Sanctuary

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